Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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