I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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