he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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