Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
