All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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