I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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