Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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