i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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