He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
