I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
