she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
