You made me cry and you don't even care
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
