hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
