Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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