I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
