I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
