but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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