Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
