just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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