So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
