nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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