Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize