call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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