and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize