Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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