Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
