first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
