omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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