sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
