I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
