dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
