you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
