i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
