dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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