i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
