it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize