Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
