i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
