Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
