i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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