on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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