I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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