She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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