No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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