I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
