The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
then he tried to convert me to islam
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
