She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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