I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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