Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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