Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
