I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
