Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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