also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
