Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
