Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
