The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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