I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Less talking, more tequila
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
