I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
