Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Come share oat with me in your robe
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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