I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
As shirtless as possible
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
