is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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