conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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