If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
