Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
