I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize