i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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